When the going gets tough...

I'm the type of person that I dislike. I hold things in...things that happen, mostly bad, and then one day....one night, it all blows up in my face. It's so hard for me to give things over to God for good. I say that I give them over to Him, but in the end, there's still a little piece of something that I'm still holding onto. Why do I hang onto the bad? I don't understand that about me. Pfftt...lets face it. There's A LOT about me I don't understand.
Lately....Satan's really been attacking my mind. It's my fault mostly because I haven't been making myself strong by diving into the Word as I should, or really even just talking with God like I should. I talk to Him daily....but I only really really cry out to Him when I need Him most. That's not the way relationships go, I know. When Satan attacks, man he attacks HARD. I'm still hurting from it. But I learned something from it, and I'm thankful to God for it.
I cannot depend upon anyone but the Lord. He's showed me that I'm once again depending too much upon others, and not upon the One who's Unchanging and never going to leave me. Why is this so hard? Because I make it much more harder than it needs to be.
In the moment when satan attacked, My Everything surrounded me when it got to the point that I was too weak to take anymore...and He stepped in my place. He took the chains that were binding me to Satan, and He placed them upon His own hands and feet. He took what I was receiving. He Saved Me. I've never felt that kind of love before.
I've heard all my life from my Papa, whose THE Christian influence on my life, after Jesus of course. I talked with my Papa and he told me something that's stuck. He said,
"Karye...in my experience Satan attacks those who he's truly afraid of. He sees something in them, Someone in them that will hurt his plans. He sees that God has chosen you...or that person, so he attacks them with everything he's got to beat them down, to make them lose faith. It's when Satan not's attacking you that you should worry." That's going to stay with me the rest of my life. It makes sense too. It's when things seem to be going good that I need to ask myself...am I giving God my all? That means it's come to the point in my relationship with God that I need to step it up.
I know this doesn't make a lick of sense to some of you....but I had to journal it, so here it is. I don't know how this is going to change me, I just know that it has. This gal is going to find out who she truly is, in the most important Person there is.

Go Green!

Go Green!

So, how crazy is this? Ready? O, I don't think you are! I know I've posted twice in one day, crazy huh? But after I posted the first post for today I was watching some videos on Youtube when I stumbled upon something that totally blew my mind! Erin, my wonderful roomie, and everyone else out there, I've gone GREEN! I shout out to my roomie because she's the first inspiration...she planted a seed and someone else watered it...I'll let you in on who later if you promise not to laugh. Even if you do laugh..I won't hear you...but I'll know. Okay I won't but still.
So, Erin started taking her own bags when she goes grocery shopping, and being her roomie I've noticed. I always thought it was so cool, but for some reason...don't ask why, I just never really got into it. Don't get me wrong, I love Mother Earth, I just never really gave it any serious thought because I never realized the damage that was going on all over. So the crazy thing that I don't think your ready for is after I wrote my first post about how I'm restless and I need something to do...something to focus on and pour my energy into, well I've found that answer. It was like a lightening bolt from Heaven. Thanks God, and no Erin it didn't hurt. :)
So, what I'm doing? I'm going to join in on the BYOB act...Bring Your Own Bags. If you wanna know more about why, follow this amazingly cool link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUMPz_v9z00&feature=related

It will open your eyes and change your way of thinking, if your human it should anyway. Dude...I'm totally pumped! Okay, so the reason for the inspiration...Edward Norton. I know I know...what can I say? In the video above, he's the host. I never knew this but Edward is all about Green..and not just the Hulk either. heh heh....yea lame I know. I thought it was funny. He's in this National Geographic series called Strange Days On Planet Earth, or he hosts it. There are two series out now and I want to watch them all! Not just because he's in them, but because it's definitly got my attention. I'm part of the cause for the mess Earth is in, and now I'm going to be apart of the cause to change that.

Are you with me?

Restlessness

Deep within my soul, I'm restless.
I should be doing something for the Lord, going places, speaking to people. I know that I can do that here on campus just as good as anywhere else, but I'm so SICK of campus and being here. I want to get away, breathe in different air, see different people and try different things.
I'm so restless with dreaming too. I don't ask for the dreams that I get...I know no one does, but these dreams haunt me. There's got to be a reason for dreaming right? I just want one good night of sleep...is that too much to ask? I'm tired...deep in my spirit. Something is troubling me, and I don't have the time to dive in and find out what it is, but it's there constantly lurking in the shadows at night and hiding during the day.
Find rest O my soul! Am I restless because I haven't been seeking only You? Fill me with Your Spirit, calm this restless heart and wandering mind. I wish my mind were a blank page....then I would finally get some peace. Father, grant me peace.
What is this sense of urgency? I don't understand it and I wish I could explore it. Father, take away all the distractions that are taking me away from You.
Only You are my everything. Only You have my all. Only You have my heart. Only you have my soul. I need You, I feel like I'm slipping away Father. I need You.

Overcoming Boredom

So, while sitting here in the library from 9:45am-5:00pm, one tends to get just a little bored. Whilst, isn't that a cool word?, sitting here, I thought of things to do that could make the time go by just a little bit faster.

This is the account of Karye Cook...Student Library Worker.
These events take place between 1:00pm and 5:45pm. (too bad Kiefer Sutherland's not here to keep me company......hehe...er...um.....I mean. uh.)

1:01pm
Walked around the IRC, looking for anything I have never seen before.
Found=Nothing.

1:27pm
Patron, that's what we library workers call you people who check out books, walks down with little kids. One's a brat, the other's just a little sprout. The mom...annoyed. Also known as a bad patron.
Success at being polite.

1:45pm
I could've sworn...if I swear which I don't...that I saw a dust buster roll by...could be eyesight, but doubtful.

1:59pm
Took gate count. A whopping 2 people went by....me going to the restroom.

2:20pm
Nothing. Nata. Zilch. Zero movement.

2:43pm
Watch a fly make it's way around the IRC...decide to try my tracking skills. Followed fly for a successful time of 3min.

3:00pm
Took gate count.

3:30pm
Patron comes down...kinda looks like a man..not sure. It talks to me and wants to know where the card catalog is....this person..he or she is really ticked. I tell them that they can find it online if they want...what are they looking for. It tells me it's looking for nullberry prize books...or something like that. I say I need a title...it gets mad and marches..yes marches to the computer. At this point I've decided this person is a woman whose had miltary training.

3:45pm
Another patron enters the IRC...this patron looks like a man as well but it's a woman..small skinny woman wearing some kind of jungle hat..the one that has the thing that goes under the chin, you know what I'm talking bout. Can't find video smells faintly of misquito spray.

4:00pm
A BUTT load of books make there way to me. I counted about somewhere around 59. We'll say 60 for Monks sake. (the tv monk, not an actual monk..ha)

4:25pm
Finally done shelfing mass books and videos and stupid educational text books. Cuts finger on Math book...go figure. Bleeds to death..haha..ok ok....obviously i don't but it's kinda cool.

4:26pm
Decides to write this post.

4:30pm
Tries to move pen with mind.........failure.

4:42pm
Looks at clock. That's how I know what time it is.

4:42pm
IT'S STILL 4:42?!!

4:43pm
Closes eyes really tight for 15sec then opens them. The first image I see is scissors. Ha.

4:44pm
Has to pee...brb

4:47pm
Wonders what's taking that announcement so long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4:48pm
Turns out lights and closes doors............waits in dark...kinda scared.

4:50pm
Forget this! I'm going home!

No Morals

So a couple of days ago there was a video on the news...I think it was the online news for msn or aol, and in this video an elderly man is seen being hit by a car!!! In this video it shows a sweet old man getting hit by a car while two cars are passing another. The thing that just blows my mind is that the people around don't help him at all! The people walking on the street just walk right up to him, and the people driving just drive right on by. The guy on the scooter turns around but leaves later on. The news says that the man is paralyzed and no one helped him because he was bleeding but still alive and his head moves just a little bit. He's now in the hospital fighting for his life! People sicken me! My heart seriously ached outta my chest as I watched this video. How many of you would have helped? I would've tried something....anything whether it's just touching his hand to let him know someone cares or talking to him...anything is better than nothing.
Another example, Erin and I went to Target today and when we were leaving there was a woman with a cane trying to get out of the exit but her cane kept hitting the metal detectors and people were staring and no one offered to help or anything. She came upon me and Erin and we asked her if she was trying to get out and she was like yes if you could just point me in the direction. She then asked what her cane was hitting and we told her. We pointed her in the direction but then she kept having trouble so she reached for Erin's arm and Erin lead her and I walked beside her. I told her about my sister, who also has to walk with a cane..or she's suppose to..Kisha Denise. This is why my sister is afraid to use it, because people are so rude. I understand that we are naturally curious but please...instead of staring help the person out if you see them having a hard time. We parted ways with her when she assured us that she was able to make it on her own. I wish I had offered to drive her to her destination which was further up the way. I didn't think of it then though. I'm not saying this to kind of lift me up at all, but just to show how people in this world are. We are scared of the unfamilar and the strange yet we are called to be "set apart from the world." I think this is why it's so hard for us, myself included to be such a great witness for Christ. We are, inside, scared of being looked at, laughed at, "on the spot" so to speak". My eyes are slowly being opened to the things that I see as "important" in my life, that pale in comparison to the Love and opinion of my Savior. He didn't have to die for me. But He did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ICQ15Es_Ng&NR=1

Light in a world of Darkness

WARNING...POST MAY BE EXTREMELY LONG. CAN BE READ IN PIECES. :) ALSO CONTAINS "FEELINGS" AND "EMOTION" FOR ALL YOU UNEMOTIONAL PEOPLE. LOL. you know who you are, but please, by all means don't let that stop you. :)

"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven" -Matt. 5:16

"Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of going wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us." -1 Peter 2:12

What a responsibility Christians have on their shoulders. To be reflections of Christ, One who while on this earth, was Pure, and Holy. Those are mighty big sandals to fill! I think the one thing that Christians forget is that Christ gives us strength...either we don't ask for it, or we don't believe it. I know this is random, but one of my roommates and I were talking today while I was going to Target, and we talked about this subject. I dunno how we got on it, but it was definitely illuminating. (Isn't that a great word? Illuminating...) Anyway, we got on the subject of Christians who give other Christian a bad name. It's so sad, and one of my greatest pet peeves when a "Christian" can ruin the name for everyone!
One my examples comes from Pastors, who both just so happen to come from my church. The first pastor isn't there anymore. My dad used to go to church every time the doors were open. He felt the call of being a pastor on his life and wanted to preach. He was always in the Word and on fire for God. The one thing that stopped him was the pastor at that time. He confronted my dad and told him that no one who smoked was going to preach behind HIS pulpit. I can understand where it's a bad image for a pastor to smoke and preach, but instead of speaking this in a loving manner, he attacked my dad causing my dad's enthusiasm and attendance to go to zilch. Well, a couple of months ago, I'll say 5 to 6 months ago my dad was back in church because a very good friend of ours became our new pastor after the former pastor that confronted my dad left. Only 3 months ago this pastor decides to verbally attack my mom in a moment of anger. Turns out, he's been angry at my mom for 4 years now. Talk about coming out of left field! He's never showed this or anything until the day he confronted my mom. This was such a blow to my family. There's so much more to this story, and since this is my blog, I'm getting it all out. So, FYI, this could be a very LONG post. lol. Sorry. What can I say? I'm a blogger. :) So..where was I? Oh yea, well my family makes up a good percentage of the church. I come from a country church...real country. It all started when he got pastor, certain people were put on the board that shouldn't even be there. These people don't like the fact that my family practically "runs" the church as they put it, especially my mom. They've influenced my pastor, and apparently his anger had a part as well. Well my dad is furious after this. He keeps going after much arguing until the day that we are there and another confrontation after church in front of everyone happens between my mom and the pastor again. I don't realize because I'm outside. I'm sitting in a friends car waiting for my family when from the rear view mirror I see my mom walking to the back of the church, crying, with my Nanny (grandmother) following her. There are several things that I can't take in life that make me so mad I can hurt someone. The number one thing I can't stand is seeing my mom cry. I'd rather someone torture me to death than see that, and I'm dead serious. My mom and I have been through so much. I was the one that had to be there for the break down after the first time my dad left her. I was the one that held her and tried to pray as she cried in my arms. I was the one that was there through all the tears. I don't care who you are or how close I am to you, you do not make my mom cry. So...now that I've gotten that off my chest, when I saw her that day crying behind the church, I literally saw red. I was out of that car faster than the pastor could say Amen and in his face. It was a very good thing that he was already talking to someone because I had a chance to cool down. I'm glad to say that I handled the situation with the Grace that only comes from God. I didn't cry (as I usually do when I'm mad) and I didn't tear him to pieces. I was the three C's...literally. It was all G-O-D. I won't go into that conversation. Several days later my dad was called to meet with the pastor at the church alone. On this day, my dad's pride and faith in people...and sadly in Christ was shattered. The pastor accused my dad of so many things....that's one thing I hate about a small church. Everyone knows every one's business. He even called my dad a "bum" and accused him of not supporting his family. This is another thing you do not do. You do not call my dad any kind of names and accuse him of not trying to support his family. My dad's had a bad back since I was 12. He's tried to work, but one of the downsides about applying for a job is that you have to be accepted. He never was because of his back. He's done odd jobs for people like, carpentry, roofing, sheet rocking...and he's come home in so much pain that it hurt me to watch. My may be many things....but he is NOT a bum.
All of this to say, dude...us Christians, we need to STEP IT UP! Satan has long ago been aware of our weaknesses. He knows where to strike and he won't hesitate. I know it's easier said than done...believe me....but don't put yourself in situations you'll regret later. Someone is always watching........I'm serious. It feels like there may not be consequences then....but afterward...there are ALWAYS consequences even when we can't see them...especially when we can't see them. Remember...God knows our hearts and our minds. That's enough to scare me..We are so lucky, BLESSED to have the only God on our side. I'm not perfect...sometimes I know what I'm about to do is wrong...sadly I even plan it ahead, knowing that I'm putting myself in a situation that will be extremely hard to get out of, thinking afterward...I can always ask for forgiveness later. I'M TIRED OF USING THAT AS A CRUTCH. It's time that I become the LIGHT God has called us to be in the Darkness. I'm ready to finally take a stand...I'm through being a mediocre Christian!! I wanna be everything, anything, I can be for my God, my Lover, my Father, my Life, my very Best Friend, my ALL. I WANT CHRIST TO CONSUME ME.

"I looked, and behold, the glory of the Lord filled the house of the Lord, and I fell upon my face." -Ezekiel 44:4


DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING STATED HERE IN THIS POST IS MOSTLY POINTED TOWARDS ME. IF YOU FEEL CONVICTED, ASK YOURSELF WHY. I DID.

Frauders Should DIE!

What is the worst thing that could happen to someone?
A house fall on them while they're trying to tie ruby red slippers that don't even tie?
A dog named Totoe getting caught in a tornado before your very eyes?
A wet diaper being thrown at your face by a little kid? (for you ems)
A witch offers you a apple and you take a great big bite out of it and find out that it's poisonous and the prince doesn't really exist so your screwed? OH NO! None of these....besides the last one...that one's pretty awful, but none of these compare to Frauders!! I'm so sick and tired of getting scammed. What? Do I have a sticker that can be seen from space that says, "Scam Karye she's a dummy!?" You may be wondering why the anger? I'll tell you why, so glad you asked.
Today I checked my mail. It's an ordinary day...except that it's blistering hot! That should've been a sign...k maybe not but still, it's my story I can say that. Any who, I checked my mail had a package that turned out to be a medium sized envelope addressed to me that says extremely urgent. I opened it and the only thing inside were two postal money orders that were each $850 smacker roos! That my friends, and for those who like me are numerically challenged is $1700!! I'm not gonna lie when I say that my heart stopped beating for like maybe 2 sec. before my mind took over and said...seriously? I don't think so. I had a feeling that it was a fraud. I ended up going to the bank and campus post office until I was directed to the postal frauding inspection something or other. Yea....its a freaking scam. I really dislike you Robert Steranko...if that's even your real name!!!!

So on a lighter note....I could get a reward money up to $50,000 if this guy or girl (it could happen) gets caught. Dude.....like I said I'm numerically challenged but something tells me that $50,000 is a little bit more than $1,700. Please correct me if I'm wrong. So yea. If that's the case and I do get the reward money.....shopping, food, and pink lemonades are on me!! If that happens....thank you Robert Steranko you great baboon!

The Valley

"Let every valley be lifted up and every mountain and hill be made low; and let the rough ground become a plain and the rugged terrain a broad valley." Isaiah 40:4

It's funny how the view from the Valley's in life provide a different viewpoint. In the Valley, everything seems much much bigger and blown out of porportion. We can't see what's over the mountain that looms above us, but we can take comfort in the fact that God can see what's over that mountain. I'm not one to display all of my emotions over something so public, usually that's my sister Kisha. haha..jk Kisha. But a very wise lady known as my grandmother, told me over Memorial weekend that it's not good to keep things inside. As a result while I was at my grandmother's house I had a dream that really shook me. I'll post the dream and then I'll tell you my uncle's anaylsis.

In my dream I'm a bull, don't laugh. :). In my dream I'm confronted with this huge mountain, and as a bull it's even bigger and just seems to tower so high above me. It's also really really wide. As this bull, I'm using my head and I'm doing my very best to move this mountain, but it's absolutely refusing to budge. I get maybe a couple of inches, barely even inches and then it won't move anymore.

My uncle Stephen's analysis of this dream was that the bull represents an emotion: anger.
He said that the mountain represents an obstacle that I'm trying to overcome and I'm angry about this "mountain". Afterward, I went back to the bedroom I was sleeping in and thought about the dream and his intrepretation. It seemed like it was right on because one of the reasons why I went home was I needed to go out to the house before it was sold. My mom told me that the deal was going to be done Wednesday, and I was there til Monday. The next day, I go out to the house and it hurt. Seeing everything empty, the place where I spent many years of my childhood growing up. I made my way through the rooms, all the memories clouding in and ghosts occupying the room so that it played like a movie in my mind. I visualized where everything was suppose to be, and eventually I made it to my bedroom. This hurt the worst. Everything was gone, nothing was left behind. I went to the place where my bed was, sat on the floor and sobbed like a baby. The whole time my mom was trying to sell the house it felt surrel. I didn't believe that it was actually going to happen, that my home was no longer going to be my home. While a million thoughts were going through my mind a verse popped into all the chaos.

"Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have lodging places, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head." Matthew 8:20

I immediately regretted my little pity party. In my last post I said that things happen for a reason, and that I have to believe that. I still stand by that statement. When it seems that Satan keeps throwing curve balls your way, it's got to make you think, I'm doing something right. If he's trying to kick me off course that means I'm headed in the right direction. I left my home that day with mixed feelings. I finally got my sense of "closure". I would like to say that I feel better after that day, but in fact I still dream about home. I'm going to miss it so much. Even now when I stumble across a picture at the house I tear up. It's going to take some time to heal these wounds...time. But I do know that time is nothing to my God. He created it. That gives me comfort.

In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
In the morning, when I rise
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I am alone,
When I am alone,
When I am alone,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

When I come to die,
When I come to die,
When I come to die,
Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world,
Just give me Jesus.