Holding Hands

One of my friends at work said something funny today that I, of course, decided to think on and dissect. A couple came down to the IRC and they were holding hands. My friend said, "I hate it when couples hold hands and absolutely won't let go! As if letting go means they are lost to each other forever!" She then proceeded to tell me a story about a couple who were holding hands and going through a door. They couldn't fit together because it was too small and instead of letting the other hand go and going through and reclaiming it again, they trickly made their way through without letting go.

God's like that. He doesn't want to let go of my hand, but I'm constantly pulling away. It reminds me of the beginning of the lifehouse video. The part where the girl is enticed away from a dance with God to dance with a cute guy (whom I've always believed to be the "boyfriend", good or bad). I don't have a guy to distract me from God, I have TONS of them. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have any beaus or what have you. I'm just me....Karye Cook....always seeking for love from the wrong people when I should be focused on a Person, Almighty God.
God never wants to break that hold on me. Why O why would I want to break my hold with HIM?????

I know I've posted twice in one day...so sue me. :) consider it a blessing. ha

Jesus, THE best friend

Jesus would be the absolute greatest friend.
He wouldn't get bored with you and move on to someone else.
He wouldn't use you to get when He wanted/needed for Himself.
He wouldn't put you down, point out your flaws, or talk about you behind your back.
He would stand up for you when others talked poorly of you.
He would listen to you. Be happy when you were, and sad when you weren't.
He would sit around and waste an afternoon with you. Just because.
He would care and love you more than He did Himself.
He would give you shotgun everytime.
He's the only one that can love more than ANYone that you know.
(This is taken from someone elses blog site, I liked it so much I had to have it on mine...just so you know it's not from my own thoughts. haha)

It's amazing how ridiculous I can be whenever I'm longing for that perfect friend and confidant and He's all around me...waiting. Honestly, sometimes I wish God weren't so passive/aggressive. Forget my free will God, You know what's best for me, do yo thing! But no, I have to be taught a lesson, I have to learn and understand that I CAN'T live this life on my own. Sure I could choose too, but life wouldn't be worth living without the only One that gives me breath.

Pretenders

I'm tired of pretending. Sometimes I get so fed up with...everything. I wish I could explain better, I wish I could just let it out, to finally let go. Sometimes, when you wear a mask for so long, it becomes who you are. Fits your body until you eventually won't be able to get it off, no matter how hard you try. I miss the "old" me.

this song by Shaun Groves is so amazing, and I've heard it a couple of times on the radio but its never really sunk in until recently. Funny how music on matters when the meanings match.

Take me, make me all You want me to be
That's all I'm asking -All I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I'm buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me - come decorate, Lord,
And open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remains
Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the person I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Come inside this heart of mine -It's not my own -Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it All Your own -Welcome Home

Take a seat - pull up a chair -Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning,
And every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered -I'm overwhelmed
I understand I can't make this place all that You
I took this space that You placed in me,
Redecorated in shades of greed,
And I made sure every door stayed locked -Every window blocked -
And still, You knocked,
Take me, make me all You want me to be --
That's all I'm asking -All I'm asking

I've felt so disconnected lately. Like I'm just watching myself from afar, wishing for...something. Do you ever get the urge to just, disappear? I'm learning that things aren't what they seem. I should know. Do you like riddles? I personally hate riddles, then I found out I'm living one. I feel calm, like right before a driving rain. Everything that I've been holding back is begging for release. I can't let that happen.
This, my friends is what happens when you think too much. You drive yourself mad.

My Sweet Nephews
My little twin nephews were born on October 15th, 2008. They weren't due until December but they had other plans and entered the world at 4lbs. The top picture is of Devin who has red hair like his daddy. :) The bottom picture is of the eldest son Kevin, who is older by 5 seconds. He has dark hair and they're the cutest little things!! I can't wait to hold them and spoil them rotten! :)
Thank You Lord for these two. Only You know how much they mean to my family, especially to my brother. I adore them Father.

Woman After God's Own Heart

I want more than anything to be the title of this new post, only more than a title. I feel God tugging my heart strings so often, especially when I start...and this is kinda embarrassing...but especially when my attention starts straying to good lookin' men of God. That's right, you've caught me. :) Why, you ask, does He especially do this when I look (and not touch mind you)? Because in my heart I know, and it's what He's telling me by tugging those strings, that I'm not ready. As much as I long to shower someone with all the love I possess in my heart, I know that a relationship would take me away from God, and it seems like we've just started getting to know each other. My heart still longs to be cherished, but God tugs and reminds me, "Karye, I cherish you. I hold you. I love you. Allow me to shower you with my affection. You are loved." Shouldn't that be enough!? (that's to all you peps out there that read and comment)
Aw man, God, I long for it to be! But I also can't help feeling like I'm incomplete somehow, even though You're a huge part of my life, my everything. Could it be that You really aren't these things because of some fault of my own? I can always dig deeper, pray harder, love more, worship often...but I still feel so far away and lacking a part of me in someway. I'm always trying to perfect myself before coming to You, but then I realize, You love me just as I am. Of course I'm going to strive to be more like You, but such a weight has lifted off my shoulders knowing that I am loved despite my longing for someone else. How that must break Your heart and it hurts me to think that I'm hurting You. Be my everything!

Lament

Deep down, I'm your enemy.
The sweetness I exude on the outside
masks the true darkness that lurks beneath.
The reality is, I'm the liar of liars.
I've become so great at lying to myself,
it means nothing to hurt the ones I cherish.
The more I lie the more truth I see, or so it seems.
I'm changing, my exterior hardening and along with
it comes the changing of who I am inside.
It's becoming harder and harder to relate
to others through the Gift God has given me.
I'm becoming selfish, caught up in my needs
and the struggles that eat at my flesh and gnaw at my bones.
Through all the demons that come to destroy my heart,
I still have a piece untouched that longs for release.
I see light in the darkness that's slowly seeping in.
Jesus' fist is clenched, arm outstretched.
Whatever is inside He has chosen to keep safe,
valuing this object "precious" above all the others
being destroyed by sins eroding acid.
In his fist clenched so tight is my precious heart,
the essence of who I am, and who God made me to be.
When I've been beaten down where shame becomes my name,
and I feel like I'm about to break, that last piece of me that's
left untouched, is my saving Grace.
As soon as I release myself, I take it all back again,
needing the comfort of my sin.
When, Father, will this torture end?

My Personality Test Results

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest...Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.

It's funny how computers have you all figured out when you don't know who the heck you are.