Pretenders

I'm tired of pretending. Sometimes I get so fed up with...everything. I wish I could explain better, I wish I could just let it out, to finally let go. Sometimes, when you wear a mask for so long, it becomes who you are. Fits your body until you eventually won't be able to get it off, no matter how hard you try. I miss the "old" me.

this song by Shaun Groves is so amazing, and I've heard it a couple of times on the radio but its never really sunk in until recently. Funny how music on matters when the meanings match.

Take me, make me all You want me to be
That's all I'm asking -All I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I'm buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me - come decorate, Lord,
And open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remains
Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the person I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Come inside this heart of mine -It's not my own -Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it All Your own -Welcome Home

Take a seat - pull up a chair -Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning,
And every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered -I'm overwhelmed
I understand I can't make this place all that You
I took this space that You placed in me,
Redecorated in shades of greed,
And I made sure every door stayed locked -Every window blocked -
And still, You knocked,
Take me, make me all You want me to be --
That's all I'm asking -All I'm asking

I've felt so disconnected lately. Like I'm just watching myself from afar, wishing for...something. Do you ever get the urge to just, disappear? I'm learning that things aren't what they seem. I should know. Do you like riddles? I personally hate riddles, then I found out I'm living one. I feel calm, like right before a driving rain. Everything that I've been holding back is begging for release. I can't let that happen.
This, my friends is what happens when you think too much. You drive yourself mad.

My Sweet Nephews
My little twin nephews were born on October 15th, 2008. They weren't due until December but they had other plans and entered the world at 4lbs. The top picture is of Devin who has red hair like his daddy. :) The bottom picture is of the eldest son Kevin, who is older by 5 seconds. He has dark hair and they're the cutest little things!! I can't wait to hold them and spoil them rotten! :)
Thank You Lord for these two. Only You know how much they mean to my family, especially to my brother. I adore them Father.