When the going gets tough...

I'm the type of person that I dislike. I hold things in...things that happen, mostly bad, and then one day....one night, it all blows up in my face. It's so hard for me to give things over to God for good. I say that I give them over to Him, but in the end, there's still a little piece of something that I'm still holding onto. Why do I hang onto the bad? I don't understand that about me. Pfftt...lets face it. There's A LOT about me I don't understand.
Lately....Satan's really been attacking my mind. It's my fault mostly because I haven't been making myself strong by diving into the Word as I should, or really even just talking with God like I should. I talk to Him daily....but I only really really cry out to Him when I need Him most. That's not the way relationships go, I know. When Satan attacks, man he attacks HARD. I'm still hurting from it. But I learned something from it, and I'm thankful to God for it.
I cannot depend upon anyone but the Lord. He's showed me that I'm once again depending too much upon others, and not upon the One who's Unchanging and never going to leave me. Why is this so hard? Because I make it much more harder than it needs to be.
In the moment when satan attacked, My Everything surrounded me when it got to the point that I was too weak to take anymore...and He stepped in my place. He took the chains that were binding me to Satan, and He placed them upon His own hands and feet. He took what I was receiving. He Saved Me. I've never felt that kind of love before.
I've heard all my life from my Papa, whose THE Christian influence on my life, after Jesus of course. I talked with my Papa and he told me something that's stuck. He said,
"Karye...in my experience Satan attacks those who he's truly afraid of. He sees something in them, Someone in them that will hurt his plans. He sees that God has chosen you...or that person, so he attacks them with everything he's got to beat them down, to make them lose faith. It's when Satan not's attacking you that you should worry." That's going to stay with me the rest of my life. It makes sense too. It's when things seem to be going good that I need to ask myself...am I giving God my all? That means it's come to the point in my relationship with God that I need to step it up.
I know this doesn't make a lick of sense to some of you....but I had to journal it, so here it is. I don't know how this is going to change me, I just know that it has. This gal is going to find out who she truly is, in the most important Person there is.