I got blessed so much I had to write two posts to cover everything! lol. So, as I said, camp was A-mazing. I really gained a lot from being there and the two services that touched me the most were the services Wednesday night "breaking free from bitterness" and Friday night's sermon "breaking free from brokenness".
"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:31-32
Something this pastor said that stuck was "We are chained and bound to the past bitterness that we carry when we've already been set free by Christ". In other words, God has already done everything to set us free from our past but we are the one's that are binding ourselves to it. God doesn't want us to stay stuck in the past, so we take it to God and leave it at the cross. In my experience, taking it to God won't help you unless you leave it there. That's the key word.
Needless to say, God spoke to me through that message. Even though I had taken my hurt and anger to God, I never left it there with Him. I still carried it around inside because I dwelled on it constantly if something came up that reminded me of those old wounds. Not anymore. That night I went to the altar, and I left everything there. My hurt, my anger, my expectations, my desires, my bitterness. I do have to thank God for a kind woman Mary Martin who stayed there at the altar with a total stranger while she sobbed out her story and wouldn't let me leave until I had left it there. Thanks for her God, and thank you for your compassion and obeying God's gentle prodding.
The other sermon that touched me was "breaking free from brokenness".
"God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds"
-Psalm 147:3
This was a great sermon to come after the previous one I wrote on. Now that I had released all that hurt, the healing process could take place. The pastor that spoke had a couple of handouts out that had a bandaid stapled to them. He told us to take off the bandaids and place them over our hearts. So throughout the service that's what we did...keep this in mind as I talk about his sermon. He spoke about God being aware of our pain, and how He cares about our hurts. He gave four tips for healing.
1. Don't repress it. (guilty)
2. Don't rehearse it. (guilty)
3. Don't regret it.
4. Release it!
"I am the God who heals"-Exodus 15:26
At the end of the service, the pastor asked us to take off our bandaids and to write on them what our hurt was and then to come to the altar and place our bandaids there and to walk away from them. It was great, that altar had so many bandaids on it.
"God heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds" -Psalm 147:3
That night, I could feel God's presence more clearly than I ever could. I finally understood why, even after crying out to Him so many times to feel His presence, why I couldn't. I was holding myself back, and by trusting God and going on this trip, my prayer was answered in ways I couldn't even imagine. I feel like God's will is so much clearer, and I feel His calling stronger. Already He's given me tasks to do, even before I got back to campus.
One of those tasks is going to be extremely hard, but I know where my strength comes from. I have to talk with the president of Trevecca and I'm nervous, but he's really sweet so I'm sure he'll understand. It's time for Christians to step it up in their walks with God, because He's called us to be different, to be set apart and I'm not seeing that on campus; just the opposite.
Another task, I have to find a different church home. I've been going to TCC on campus, and I love it there, but God has other plans. I feel that He wants me to go to a smaller church where I can be more involved and where I can be in a close knit family of sorts. I'm hesitant and a little anxious to do this for many reasons. I come from a small church and was really close with everyone, so close that dirty laundry got aired. Things happened and people got hurt and it's just a memory, and I don't want that to happen again. I do miss the good of being close to those around you. How do you balance it out? Anyway, that is what has been going on in my life so far. I think that's as up to date as I can get. lol. That and God's speaking to my heart about working in China. That's another reason why the missionaries at camp were a blessing.
I thank God for all that He is. May I serve Him all of my days.
"No need to remember past events, no need to think about what was done before. Look, I am doing something new." - Isaiah 43:18-19
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