Holding My Breath

Have you ever had something happen and it caused you to hold your breath and your chest to tighten? Yea, that was my life this morning til the afternoon. Man, was I a jumble of nerves. And, to top it all off, I had a really bad dream last night that felt so real. You know...one of those where your subconscious is afraid of it happening so you dream it. Man...it was bad. In my dream, my mom died and it felt like my world literally fell apart. I woke up this morning in fear and dread because the last thought in my dream before I woke up was...I wish I had told her I loved her one last time and hugged her. Why I had this dream, I dunno. I laid in bed, looking up at the sky (because I moved my bed under the window, I have a thing for them) and my emotions were so craaaaaazy. Finally, I knew what I had to do and I let go. I gave it over to God and for the first time, I ACTUALLY let go. Man it felt great. Took a lot of will power but I did it! When I got up I hugged my mom so tight she squeaked like a mouse. Also, I learned something later this afternoon. Grace, is an AMAZING thing.
On a happy note, because I love happy notes, I got accepted by Youth In Mission for the Creative Access team!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Apart of me is thinking...are you really going through with this, and the other part of me (the adventurous part that wishes to get out more often) was thinking, Heck yes!! The adventurous part is winning! I'm so excited! I've been trying to journal and read my Bible, mostly so God can prepare my heart for the trip, but also because I need to be doing it in the first place. Man are my priorities wild. Goodness, but I'm excited. My imagination is bouncing off the walls like a kid with ADHD. haha. Speaking of my brother, Friday is national hug a redhead day, so find that redhead and show'em some love! Ems, I wish I could hug you on Friday!!! I'll try to "send" you one via email. :) I'm going to my Aunt Amber's house tomorrow to make cookies for Christmas. It's a holiday tradition that's been going on since she married my uncle a long time ago, but now I'm the only one going. It's okay, we have a blast anyway, NEVER a dull moment. I'll be there til Saturday or Sunday, then it's back home. My brother's wedding is next Sat. and I'm SO nervous. Guys, I'm a FLOWER GIRL! What's that about? I'm the oldest flower girl I know, and I don't have a dress to wear or the green to buy it. GAH! Okay....I'd better stop before I get worked up again. That's so hard to do when all I can picture is seeing myself walking down the aisle dropping flowers from a basket....oh man. I wasn't this worried about it at first, till I found out more than family will be there (old flames to be exact) not that I care. Okay okay, I do but just because for once, I want to look FANTASTIC. oi.
I hear the bed bugs calling my name. They must be lonely. Night! :)