Deep down, I'm your enemy.
The sweetness I exude on the outside
masks the true darkness that lurks beneath.
The reality is, I'm the liar of liars.
I've become so great at lying to myself,
it means nothing to hurt the ones I cherish.
The more I lie the more truth I see, or so it seems.
I'm changing, my exterior hardening and along with
it comes the changing of who I am inside.
It's becoming harder and harder to relate
to others through the Gift God has given me.
I'm becoming selfish, caught up in my needs
and the struggles that eat at my flesh and gnaw at my bones.
Through all the demons that come to destroy my heart,
I still have a piece untouched that longs for release.
I see light in the darkness that's slowly seeping in.
Jesus' fist is clenched, arm outstretched.
Whatever is inside He has chosen to keep safe,
valuing this object "precious" above all the others
being destroyed by sins eroding acid.
In his fist clenched so tight is my precious heart,
the essence of who I am, and who God made me to be.
When I've been beaten down where shame becomes my name,
and I feel like I'm about to break, that last piece of me that's
left untouched, is my saving Grace.
As soon as I release myself, I take it all back again,
needing the comfort of my sin.
When, Father, will this torture end?
3 comments:
at the end...
you should read what spilled out of me today (the post at 2:30, I did two today)...it might encourage you a little...
You'll get through it...with others...but more importantly God
Your Favorite Horned Friend
first off can i just say, that had almost all of my favorite words in it. exude,lurks,gnaw,and clenched. Alone these word sound a little depressing but in that paragraph so much passion comes out in every word. It was very gripping. So how are you friend, it feels like forever since I have seen you. I know it hasnt been that long, but I have missed you. I hope I can make it for your party, I really really want to, i mean of coarse i do its Karye"cares upon you"Cook's birthday. hello. ha, well have a grand one friend. i loves you!!!
I too love you :) That is a very good poem and very telling. "the comfort of my sin" how true that seems, but how much that is a lie, like in the first part of the poem. We lie to ourselves and live in denial and it doesn't make anything better. I just got back from a Celebrate Recovery meeting, which is AA for Christians, and it was pretty cool. I think I'm cured of my alcoholism. JK, but I just want you to know how loved you are, and how I can see your heart cause Jesus is my best friend, and he lets me look in his hand sometimes, and what I see is beauty and pure light.
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